Mama Bunkfish

Navigating marriage, motherhood, and mental illness on Jesus, caffeine, and naps!

From a Distance

It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve written. I was trying to pinpoint the exact reason and I couldn’t come up with anything reasonable. Then this morning as I was very slowly getting ready for work, I realized the problem. I’ve been a bit distant from my source.

Before I wrote my first post I prayed and asked God to give me inspiration; to never let me say anything He wouldn’t want me to say and nothing that would turn anyone from Him. I’d also made it a point to pray, mediate, and read more of His word so I’d know what I should say.

Then a couple of weeks ago I had a bit of a meltdown (it happens at least once a year…nothing major) and I distanced myself from Him. I don’t mean completely…I just avoided getting too deep. I would find myself talking to Him casually throughout the day…you know, ‘Thank you, Lord for getting to work safely’ or ‘Thank you, Lord for dinner’. But I have purposefully been avoiding a deep conversation because I’m afraid of what He’ll say. I’m afraid that He’ll say trust Me…COMPLETELY and that I’ll be compelled to abide.

See, that’s some scary stuff. It requires FULL SURRENDER. Hands up, gloves off, 100% all in, giving it ALL to Him. And maybe it’s just me but there’s some things I feel like I have to hold to. BUT I know better, because who better to give it to than God.

But in His infinite wisdom, even though I’ve been distant, He’s been all up in my face. He actually made me say exactly what He’s been trying to tell me…and all I could do was laugh.

Until next time…


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