Mama Bunkfish

Navigating marriage, motherhood, and mental illness on Jesus, caffeine, and naps!

Out from Under the Rock

I haven’t written in a while. I lost count of the number of days and stopped checking my stats for fear that I would see nothing. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment where I ‘lost my voice’ but things have been, for a lack of a better word, crazy.

Between the sick kid and husband, sick mama, and kid on the loose debacle I couldn’t keep my head above water. Oh, and in the last month I’ve had 3 different MRIs (I didn’t even know that was possible) and 2 CT Scans (1 which resulted in a blown vein). All those tests and a couple thousand dollars later (thank GOD for good health insurance), I find out I have an aneurysm so small that I don’t even have to see a neurologist. Oh and the sound of my heartbeat in my ears? Most likely is because my brain is wired weird and can only be rectified by shaving my skull – apparently that’s a thing. In a nutshell I’m fine…just have to take care of myself. Which I should be doing anyway since I have a husband and two kids that need and want me around.

Needless to say, I’ve been under a rock. Thanks to LOTS of prayer and my new dose of anxiety medicine I didn’t dig a hole while under the rock and bury myself. But I was speechless. I mean yes, I went to work and church, was Mom, Wife, Daughter, Sister, Friend, etc. But Corliss? The REAL Corliss was trapped somewhere between utter disbelief (because how did a trip to the ENT land me in a personal relationship with the imaging center) and despair (that was short-lived) and I just didn’t have much to say. Everybody saw a shell of me. I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t sad, I was just living.

The reality is I think that we all go through this at some point. Life scoops us up and takes us on a roller coaster ride that never seems to stop. We scream at the top of our lungs but no sound comes out. We go through the motions of life but we don’t actually go anywhere. And while it seems to be terrible, it’s really not.

This current wave of shenanigans in my life has made me appreciate my family, my friends, my church family, my work family, and my God even more. It’s forced me to slow down and take care of me. It’s as a friend says, mellowed me out. But I’m back to writing. And that feels good.

Until next time….


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