Mama Bunkfish

Navigating marriage, motherhood, and mental illness on Jesus, caffeine, and naps!

He’s There…

It’s been almost a year since I debuted FATMama. I’ve written about everything from my faith to the dimples in my thighs to why I wear tennis shoes 99% of the time. When I first started blogging I had so much to say. I could see a story in everything and it was a story I wanted to share.

But for the last several months I’ve had the hardest time sharing. Maybe it was because I was sorting through my aunt’s cancer diagnosis, treatment, and remission. Maybe it was because I was so wrapped up in the buckets of tears I cried for my sweet son to be seen for who he is, not for who others want him to be. Maybe it was because I was dealing with my own mortality after numerous trips and tests only to find out that the little bomb in my brain just has to be watched and waited out. Or maybe it’s been all the sleepless nights waking up with a heart that is both full and empty at the same time, overwhelmed by all the hate and cruelty that seems to have overtaken our country.

I think we all go through a period in our lives where we can’t quite find the words we need to describe what we’re feeling; to describe what life is like. My heart feels it, literally feels it. But I can’t get my brain and my mouth to formulate the words. And so they go unspoken. But only to man.

You see, in the midst of all the tears, confusion, frustration, sadness, laughs, and joy (because there is ALWAYS joy), God has heard me. And even though my brain can’t come up with what I want to say, He constantly keeps answering all the prayers that are silently flowing through my soul. It’s not always ‘yes’ often times it’s ‘not now – you’re not quite ready’; but He’s there.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I haven’t given up hope; I haven’t lost my faith in Him. And if you’re reading this, and you’re in a season like I am – don’t lose faith. Don’t give up hope. Know He’s there amongst your tears, and your groans, and your laughs. He’s there.

Until next time…

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