Mama Bunkfish

Navigating marriage, motherhood, and mental illness on Jesus, caffeine, and naps!

Jesus, Coffee, and Sleep

A few days ago I posted a picture on Instagram that said I was running on Jesus and coffee. I thought it was funny but there was more than a bit of truth to it. I am prone to restless nights, sleep disturbance unspecified in medical terms, so when I actually need my brain and have to engage with people other than my family I drink coffee…as much as I can get in my body. With the recent wave of global and personal events that have been stirring up my emotions (as if I need any help with that) I’ve had to rely a lot less on coffee and a lot more on Jesus.

When I was preparing to leave the hospital with my son, I refused to leave without seeing my doctor. My nurse wasn’t thrilled because she was ready to go but I was staying until I had my eyes on my doc. When she was finally able to come (she’s rather popular around here) I broke down in tears, confessing that I was scared to leave the hospital knowing that I could easily slip back into the dark hole of postpartum depression. She assured me that she understood and gave me the best advice you can give a mother with a newborn: sleep as much as possible and feed the baby. It worked. Thankfully the Hubs was off for two weeks and could care for our 22-month-old while I slept most of the day and fed the baby. My three months home with him went by without any sight of the ugly demon who’d come after the birth of my sweet girl – because I had taken the time to rest.

One of my favorite passages in the Bible comes from Mark, chapter 4, when Jesus calms a storm. Everyone else is frantic and Jesus is well, sleeping. We all know that they weren’t on an extravagant yacht or a luxury cruise ship, so I’m sure the wind and rain were knocking them around quite a bit. But in the midst of the storm, the disciples had to wake Him up. He goes on to calm the storm and question the faith of His disciples. If I’m being honest, I am much like those disciples in that storm. When the boat starts rocking, instead of just resting and waiting, I get all worked up. I frantically call on Jesus, even though He’s already there, instead of riding it out and letting HIM do what needs to be done.

Now don’t get it twisted; this blog is not about my pledge to give up coffee – I actually like the way it tastes in addition to its energy giving benefits. But maybe, just maybe, if I relied more on Jesus during the storms I could sleep better. And enjoy my coffee because I want to, not because I need to.

Until next time…

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