Mama Bunkfish

Navigating marriage, motherhood, and mental illness on Jesus, caffeine, and naps!

The Eye of the Storm

Hurricane Harvey made landfall in Rockport, Texas. On media outlets it’s been described as a small fishing town on the Texas coast. To the Bunkley family it’s where we’ve spent the last four summers and the place where we’ve created so many great memories. As I watched and read of the devastation there I found myself becoming incredibly sad. For obvious reasons – the destruction and loss of life – but also because somewhere inside me I knew that we might not be able to go back there next summer. And even if we do it might not be as we remembered.

Some would say that my thoughts are selfish; and, by all outward appearances they are. But the sadness is rooted in something far greater – change. I’ve written about my struggle with anxiety and depression and the one catalyst that I don’t think I’ve explained in depth is how my brain reacts to change. Not every day change like how long the wait at Starbucks or the weather, but life altering change.

While I hear many people say they don’t like change I don’t think they understand what it’s like to be paralyzed with fear because of change. I don’t think they know what it’s like to go to bed, go through the day, and go to sleep on the verge of tears because of change. I don’t think they know what it’s like to continue in a job, relationship, place, etc. because the fear of change is so great it makes you physically ill.

And yes – I know that as a Christian God did not give me a spirit of fear. But I also know that sometimes, I get caught in the middle of the storm and her name is Change. I know that when she makes landfall there will be rain, and thunder, and lightening and maybe even destruction. I also know that the storm will pass. But while in it – there’s fear. Sometimes it’s a fear so great that it consumes me. It causes me to completely board up and hunker down. It causes me to stay away from places and people that are familiar, for fear that they’ll know I’m not handling it well. That even though all I have to do is wait for God to quiet the storm; wait for Jesus to still the waters; I’m scared beyond reasonable explanation.

So let me help you out – because that’s what I always aim to do – make the world a better place. When someone you know or love who struggles with a fear like mine is in their storm – text them, call them, look them in the eye and let them know you’re there for them. If they’re a harm to themselves or someone else, put on your rescue gear and go get them. But if they just need time to go through the storm and feel the rain and the wind, let them. Because sometimes they have to go through it to appreciate the calm after it.

Until next time…

There are many organizations and groups accepting donations for those who have been affected by Hurricane Harvey. This Saturday my church will be collecting donations to send to Beaumont, Texas. Please message me on Facebook or email me at for more information.

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