Mama Bunkfish

Navigating marriage, motherhood, and mental illness on Jesus, caffeine, and naps!

Unpacking My Bags

My husband and I got to get away this weekend after a very long and busy summer. It was much needed without a lot planned and I packed light. When we got home I had decided that I would promptly unpack all my things and put my suitcase away. Once I saw my bed (which if you don’t know, I have a very deep love for) I only unpacked the dirty clothes and left the suitcase by the bathroom door. I just didn’t have the energy to unpack everything else and put it in its place so I left it there…for two days.

Today, as I was deciding on the chores I needed to do, I thought about the bag. I also thought about a conversation my husband and I had on our trip. We’ve been together for a long tome, 20 years in November, and we’ve been through a lot in that time. But we also came into the relationship with a lot of baggage. We’ve managed to unpack it all, in front of each other, and although there were times we judged each other’s dirty laundry, we managed to get past it. As I thought back to my suitcase, I thought about some more recent bags that I haven’t unpacked with myself.

In a week I’m starting a new job. The last one left me tired, frustrated, angry, and afraid to trust people. I had been telling myself that I was ‘over it’ but it hit me today that I hadn’t unpacked all of that. And I don’t want to carry that baggage into a new place, with new people, and new opportunities for growth. That revelation got me thinking about some other bags I need to unpack and put away. One-sided friendships, bad habits, self-doubt, the hero complex, and keeping people around just because I’ve known them for a really long time but now, only know of them. At the end of the day, carrying all this stuff is just weighing me down and making it hard for me to concentrate on the next trip – the next journey.

Friend, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I’m not the only person fighting this battle though. If that were the case, there wouldn’t be so many people posting one thing on social media and living an entirely different life in real time. There wouldn’t be people who’ve rejected their belief system in hopes of getting more material rewards. There wouldn’t be a need to hide the pain and struggle of mental illness. But, maybe, just maybe, if we all unpacked all of our stuff, we could live and love a little better.

Until next time…

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