Mama Bunkfish

Navigating marriage, motherhood, and mental illness on Jesus, caffeine, and naps!

Restless Spirits

A couple of days before we left for our trip I got sick. Leave it up to me to come down with an ear and sinus infection that required a steroid shot, antibiotics, and a six day dose of steroids. Now don’t get me wrong, I felt better; but, the problem with steroids is they make it hard for me to sleep, ultimately leaving me physically tired but mentally restless.

I’ve always loved vacation. For me it’s a time to relax, think about everything else other than responsibilities and have a little fun. But when my mind is restless I can’t stop thinking. And when I can’t stop thinking I can’t stop wondering if the chaos I’m vacationing from is the chaos I want to return to.

Now I’m not talking about abandoning my family or anything crazy like that, I like the chaos that is my family life. I’m talking about the restless chaos of not fully living the life God has planned for me. A few months ago I sat and talked with one of my sisters about the constant feeling of restlessness I had. That feeling that you’re right on the edge of being exactly where you need to be but being scared to just let go, and for a lack of better words, let God.

I wonder how many of us look so forward to vacation because we’ve spent all the time preceding it doing what we think we HAVE to do as opposed to what we’re CALLED to do. I wonder if my constant need to get away, and that of people I know, is because it’s easier to get away than to face the fact that maybe, just maybe that’s not where we’re supposed to be in the first place.

I think I might need another vacation to get some more answers. 😉

Until next time…

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