Mama Bunkfish

Navigating marriage, motherhood, and mental illness on Jesus, caffeine, and naps!

Things I Cannot Say

This summer I have gotten to spend a lot of time with my kiddos. There’s been lots of giggles, hugs, kisses, yelling, and tears. But there’s also been lots of conversations about being kind to one another and the importance of vegetables. Unfortunately there were some things I wanted to tell them that I couldn’t, because they may be too young to understand.

I wanted to tell them that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not always being the most patient and understanding mother. For bringing the frustrations of work home with me and unconsciously taking it out on them. For expecting them to behave like little adults sometimes.

I wanted to tell them that God is the reason I’m here…plain and simple. That His son Jesus Christ saved me and brought me through in some of my darkest times. I wanted to let them know my heart smiles when they lead us in prayer at night and ask questions about who God is.

I wanted tell them that I love them so much it doesn’t make sense. That even though them waking up in the middle of the night wears be out I breathe a sigh of relief because it means they’re ok. And that I steal kisses from them when they sleep.

I wanted to tell them that the world we live in is a scary place. That they’ll be faced with decisions I never had to make. And that even when the world tells them they’re not enough, I know they fill my heart until it’s overflowing.

I wanted to tell them all those things, but I wasn’t sure they would understand. Instead, I told them I loved them every chance I got.

Until next time…

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