Mama Bunkfish

Navigating marriage, motherhood, and mental illness on Jesus, caffeine, and naps!

The Prednisone Diet

After coming back to work this past week from my hiatus, a coworker asked me if I’d lost some weight. I laughed and said I had, thanks to the Prednisone Diet. For me, depending on the dosage, Prednisone makes me lose a lot of water weight. And while I love that I can breath and that my top stomach is a little flatter, the constant sweating and hot flashes caused by the medicine aren’t great. But this post isn’t about Prednisone.

Through my blog I’ve talked about my struggle to accept my body and my necessity to make sure my daughter loves every bit of who she is. What I haven’t talked about candidly is why I haven’t put a lot of energy into weight loss. Of course many of you are saying that it’s really nobody’s business. And it’s not; but keep reading and you’ll understand.

Thirteen years ago my doctor found a lump in my armpit. Me, in my high anxiety, unmedicated frenzy, decided that I was going to die and be too fat to fit into a casket. So after I celebrated my 21st birthday I decided to lose weight. And I did; a lot. Over the course of about a year I managed to lose 90 pounds. I wrote down everything I ate, worked out 4-5 times a week, limited my sugar and alcohol, and make good choices. Everyone thought I looked great! They remarked on my dedication and perseverance. My brother was even asked if I was on crack because I had lost so much weight…just an FYI…I wasn’t. But there’s a side people don’t know. They don’t know that I would work out when I had high fevers and could barely breath. They don’t know that it’s only because God blessed me with a ridiculously strong gag reflex that I could only manage to throw up after a big meal a couple of times and didn’t become a bulimic. They don’t know that I would spend hours looking at myself in the mirror, pinching my flab so hard that it hurt as a punishment for being ‘so fat’. They don’t know the names I called myself and the disappointment I felt if I didn’t lose weight every week. They just, don’t, know. And me not going down that route again is more to save my life than anything else.

You see, we don’t know the how or why behind someone’s weight, makeup, hair, clothing choices, life choices, whatever. We don’t know if it’s to hide scars, diseases, feelings, emotions, pain. WE.DON’T.KNOW. As a friend and teacher said today at church, if you knew what he had to go through to get his ‘type’ of hair, you wouldn’t be so quick to say you want it.

Don’t get me wrong. I find myself questioning why people make the choices they make. But after this last stint on the Prednisone Diet, I’m thinking better of it.

Until next time….

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