Mama Bunkfish

Navigating marriage, motherhood, and mental illness on Jesus, caffeine, and naps!

Deadbolted and Padlocked: 6 Weeks ‘Til Summer Part 5

This is part five in a six weeks series.

It finally happened. If you’ve been following this particular series of my writing, you know that there’s been a change in the midst. If you know me, like I mean know me, you know that the change has centered around my next step career-wise. I’d made up my mind that I needed to leave the school where I’m currently working; it’s time for me to move on. My heart had made up its mind but my head and my bank account where still in a tug-of-war. Well, this past week the decision was made for me. I wasn’t being asked back for next year school year (nothing bad; it’s a charter school; all boils down to students and money). I was relieved when my boss told me. I had been carrying around this huge decision and it was taking a toll on me.

As I was talking to my boss today, I explained to her that ever since she told me that they couldn’t offer me a position next year, I was calm. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty sure that the ‘mood’ I’m in stems from having absolutely no idea what I’m going to do for income after August; but the angry angst I’d been feeling was gone. My head had to get in line with my heart – because I didn’t have any options in regard to that door. God had not only closed it; He had engaged the deadbolt and then added a padlock. And for me, that’s the push I need. I don’t like to be uncomfortable. As long as a situation doesn’t involve anything illegal or demoralizing I’ll roll with it. But that inability to deal well with change has often kept me from pursuing my passion (which I’m still trying to sort out but that’s different blog series) and kept me frozen in uncomfortable positions. I’ve avoided closing doors for myself because I always wanted to keep one foot in while I prepared to go through another one. But now I have no choice. I couldn’t go back through the door if I wanted to. I’ve come to the conclusion though that it really is going to be okay because God does not close doors and leaving you standing in the hallway looking like someone stole your bike. And what okay is could be something unexpected. While my head says, ‘make x amount of dollars so you can do certain things’, God may just be preparing me to go down a path I’ve never been before.

As I close out this school year I’m not only cautiously looking forward to closing this chapter in my life but also to starting a new one – whatever the title is.

Until next time…

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